The day had come. The dreaded day. Friday, May 7th, 2010. I had spent ten and a half months in Cebu, an experience I had dreamed about fulfilling for nearly eleven years. Eleven years of waiting was very difficult, when I was waiting for God to give me the go-ahead on something that was so clearly laid on my heart. He had finally said it was time, and I went....and had many months of incredible memories and built amazing relationships. I poured my heart and soul out to love these children who had come from poverty and tragic, unspeakably horrible things in their lives - and who now had joy, confidence, and a second chance at living. Spending day after day with these children for months had created feelings in my heart that I didn't know could be so deep.
My primary role in being at CSC was to teach at their school. However, I've told many people since then that it was far more than being a teacher. It also took on the form of a parent, mentor, and big sister. It was showing them what it looks like to be genuinely loved and cared for, teaching them how to love back, teaching them about God and how much he loves them and wants a relationship with them. It was giving them hope and helping them learn to trust God, even though their futures were uncertain. It was giving the challenge to get back in the game after they made a mistake, giving them the pat on the back and the “you can do it” speech before a recital, praising the socks off of them after they did a good job, being their “family” in the audience at a performance or at the table during their birthday party. It was teaching manners, holding them to high expectations, and giving the consequences and teaching them life lessons when they make poor choices. It was holding them in my arms as they were in tears because they hadn’t been chosen for adoption yet. Knowing I couldn't promise them a family, but I could promise that God had a plan for their lives. It was encouraging their dreams and helping them believe that anything is possible. They had become family, and in many ways, felt like my very own children.
And now it was now time to return home and leave this place I so deeply loved and cherished. I had the same "sick" feeling heading into it as I did when I had to say good-bye to my family when I left Minnesota to go to Cebu. There is nothing easy about saying good-bye for someone like me!
*****
I left behind my empty room that morning, and spent more time than I wanted to trying to figure out luggage issues. It was confusing to me how I accumulated so much stuff during my time there, but I did! All I wanted was to get to the shelter to hang out with the children, but we had to keep spending time weighing, transferring, and unpacking. Thankfully with the help of Tammy, Mitch, and our house helpers Inday and Mae, I managed to finish - and ended up leaving them a few things to use that I couldn't fit in.
When I arrived at the shelter, I only had a little over thirty minutes to hang out before the farewell. I was discouraged about the little amount of time I had, but God blessed me with an adorable moment when I walked up the driveway of the shelter. It's things like this that can cheer you up pretty fast! A special hug from a special girl, who happened to be one of my students too!
We walked towards the yard, and the children were playing as usual, but again, there was that interesting “elephant in the ‘yard’” feel, as everyone knew what was coming. One thing that distracted us was the incredible sun that day. There was a perfect circular rainbow around the sun, and we were all in awe of it!! I don’t think I’d ever seen anything like it, and it was beautiful!
I of course took advantage of sneaking a few more fun pics of our cute kids!
I think he was collecting some sort of bugs!
The shirt had been given to me by my partner teacher the Sunday before!
(See picture below)
I also ran up to our friends who live behind the shelter – John Ray and Rufa Mae and their family. This is a family that CSC helps out, and the children attend CSC’s school. John Ray and Rufa couldn't come down for the farewell, so I wanted to be sure to say good-bye. I’m so glad I grabbed one of my students to come up with me, as he took some really neat pictures. It was a special time of saying good-bye to these wonderful young adults. They’ve battled so many difficulties in life with brittle bone disease, and have been an inspiration to so many. It turned out that it was the last time I would see Rufa, as she passed away just a few months later after battling pneumonia. Her loss was devastating to her family, to me and to the whole CSC family. Her smile and sweet spirit could light up any room. I still miss her so much.
We had a wonderful good-bye and prayer time, and I’m so grateful for the pictures!
Saying good-bye to their sister, Michelle.
Then it was time for my official FAREWELL. Farewells at the shelter are a special time. I've seen dozens of them, between all of our visitors and adoptive families. For anyone who stays for at least a few days and spends a lot of time with the kids, there is a farewell. I had kind of been dreading my farewell for several weeks...
I took my spot in front, then all the kids and staff gathered in front of me. Then Marlys shared how thankful they were for me and my time there. Following that, they all began the traditional farewell song at CSC - "God Will Take Care of You". While they were singing, I looked around into the eyes of each of these precious children. These children whom I had known pretty much nothing about just 11 months earlier....and now they meant the world to me and I loved them so much. I had shared LIFE with them for 11 months, and would never see them all together in this same place again. I treasured those moments deeply, looking into each of their eyes. I will always remember two girls in the front row, who just stared at me the whole time with these "I can't believe you're leaving us" eyes. :( :(
**The full farewell video is at the end of all the hugging pictures.**
The girls third and fourth from the left are the ones that gave me those "I can't believe you're leaving us" looks for most of the farewell. :(
After the song, the person leaving can share some words. I had thought of things I wanted to share, and took the time to tell them several things. I told them how much I loved them all, what a great year I had, assured them that I would remember them (they kept wondering!), encouraged them in their relationship with God and their dreams for the future, reminded them to be thankful for the staff and the workers, and told them how much I would miss them. Then Mitch led a prayer for me and my trip.
Another student of mine kept hanging in the back, even as kids began to go back to their houses for lunch. He knew he wanted a hug, but wasn't ready to say good-bye. He was my only student who hadn't come up yet. I finally was able to go to him and gave him a huge embrace, telling him again what a great kid he is and how much I would miss him. One of my students (in the green shirt and Twins hat) had an especially difficult time. He hung around for the entire farewell, came up for numerous hugs, and would sometimes sit on the side just pulling his hat over his eyes as he cried.
The whole good-bye time was painful, heartbreaking, special, and memorable. I just couldn't believe I was actually leaving my children, and seeing the sorrow in their eyes didn't help. I knew they would be okay - and I would too - but this moment really hurt, and I knew the pain wouldn't quickly disappear. They've had to say too many good-byes in their lives, and now I was one of those people causing that again.
I could go on and on about the memories of the farewell. Thanks so much to Tammy, Andrew, and Joel for getting everything on video and taking tons of pictures so those memories can be preserved.
I then went into the Duterte house to say good-bye to Jacob and Ginda, who couldn't make it out for the farewell. Lo and behold, I was stopped by some cute kids who wanted another round of hugs!
Good bye!
Leaving the Duterte house.
Then I ventured into the Cherne house to find the houseparents to say good-bye - well, then the kids there of course wanted more hugs and to say good-bye again too. No problem!
At the end of our lunch, I shared with the staff how thankful I was for my year there and how impressed I was with how much they pour into the ministry of CSC. It's remarkable what God has done and is doing through this place, and these people work so hard every day to make it happen. Their passion and stamina blew me away, and I was in awe that some of them had been there 25-30 years, doing this as their life work. God has used them in amazing ways!
Then followed tearful good-byes with all of them, my pseudo-family for the year. I knew I'd see them again in the States periodically, but it was still hard to say good-bye. We had lived life together and served beside each other day-in and day-out for a year, so those kind of relationships go pretty deep pretty fast.
It was only early afternoon, and it had already been an extremely long day. Off to the airport. I would be flying home with Shari, a CSC staff member who goes to Cebu a few times a year. Mitch brought her and I to the airport and I said my final tearful good-bye to him. He had been like a dad to me during my year and had really looked after me, and I was so grateful for that. As he got into the van and headed out, we headed into the airport to begin our long journey home.
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